God? . . . . Hello?(Dennis walks into his kitchen, having come home from work, and finds God rummaging through his refrigerator. Dennis takes a seat at the kitchen table, agape, not taking his eyes off of God, who appears to be smelling a half-eaten can of tuna.)
GOD: Pheeeeew! I think this has to go.
DENNIS: The tuna?
GOD: Yes. And this bread. I saw some mold. You shouldn’t keep stuff like this around for so long. Eat it or get rid of it! Otherwise, Feh!*
DENNIS: It’s just that I work so much. I don’t see much of the inside of my fridge, and when I do, the last thing I feel like doing is more work. I work so late every night.
GOD: Tell me about it! I’ve been here since 3:00 waiting for you, I thought we’d have a little talk and a little nosh.* Do you realize it’s 10:00 at night? I got so tired of waiting I thought I’d see if you had anything to eat. Do you realize you have nothing to eat? You have no food in this house! Not even a cookie. I checked. I couldn’t find anything crunchy or sweet or even a little something with chocolate! What’s the matter with you? Don’t you eat?
(God shuts the refrigerator, walks over to the trashcan and tosses out the tuna and the bread and then sits down at the kitchen table.)
DENNIS: I know. I’m back on the South Beach Diet – Phase I. It’s fantastic! Did you know I lost forty pounds the first time I went on it?
GOD: Yes.
DENNIS: Right. Well, there’s food, but nothing that’s bad for you. Mostly vegetables and chicken and eggs. That’s it.
GOD: You’re going to get sick eating like that! Listen! That can’t be good for you at all. You should eat more chocolate and definitely cake! Eat a little bit every day. Trust me.
DENNIS: [Big sigh] I take it you’re the big guy. Right?
GOD: Four foot seven inches, one hundred and seventy pounds. Call it what you like!
DENNIS: You said you wanted to talk to me.
GOD: I dooooooooo! I’ve been meaning to have a chat with you for some time.
DENNIS: So why now?
GOD: Because you’re frightened. Because you’ve been working so hard on your personal growth. Because you’ve come so far. But mostly, because you’ve asked for my help in a serious and important way.
DENNIS: I did?
GOD: Yes. You did. In your last post. You asked me for help.
DENNIS: Oh that. Well that was sort of just . . .
GOD: What? A joke? You being cute for your blog-friends? You trying to look pitiful?
DENNIS: [Looking very sheepish] Well, no. Not really.
GOD: Well I didn’t think it was anything other than an honest to me expression of your true feelings and desire for my help. And I want you to know that I take all heartfelt and sincere requests for my love and my help very seriously! Asking out in the open like that was a very brave thing to do!
DENNIS: [Looking even more sheepish] I guess.
GOD: WHAT? What’s with the face?
DENNIS: I don’t know. [Shrugs and hangs head – looking at his feet]
GOD: C’mon! Talk to me Son! This your fifteen minutes with God. Do you want to talk to me or study your shoes? Not everyone gets a chance like this.
DENNIS: EXACTLY! That’s my problem!
GOD: Ok Ok! Don’t get excited! You’ll get all shvitzy.*
DENNIS: I know I’ve asked for your help before and you’ve always always come through for me . . .
GOD: [Nods smugly]
DENNIS: . . . but all those times I asked before, after you made it work out for me, I sort of convinced myself that you had nothing to do with it and that the excellent outcome was simply the product of all my hard work in the first place.
GOD: [Inspecting a particularly complicated looking salt and pepper grinder, suddenly looks up making a disappointed face] And?
DENNIS: And . . . and this time it’s different! All the other times that I gave it over to you, I wanted your help desperately – more than anything!
GOD: But?
DENNIS: But this time I don’t have a choice. I know in my heart of hearts that what I need right now I can’t create on my own; no matter how hard I work at it. That if I’m going to get through it this time, it’s really going to have to be you that gets the job done. This time I have to absolutely take the leap all of the way and put my life completely into your care if I’m going to get through this!
GOD: So? There’s worse things you know!
DENNIS: Not for me. There’s nothing worse I can think of than entrusting my entire life into your care and having you not come through for me. I just can’t survive that kind of disappointment. Not after all I’ve been through. Not again. [Brings hands up to face and starts to cry softly]
GOD: Hey! Boychik!* What gives? Lose the drama, will ya? Am I not sitting here in your kitchen with you right now? Did I not just clean some Shmootz * out of your fridge? [Shakes head and stares at Dennis compassionately for a long time]. Son . . .I know it’s hard. It’s hard for a reason. My love, forgiveness and help are always there for you. They're always there for you Son. [Rests hand on Dennis’ shoulder] But you have to come to me . . . this time you have to come to me.
DENNIS: [Looks up at God] What do you mean I have to come to you? I didn’t come to you when I was in Rehab! In fact I ran from you and you still saved me. Hmmm? Explain that! I didn’t come to you then! Why do I have to do it now?!
GOD: [Studies Dennis inquisitively] You know what? That’s my business, not yours. You don’t get to know the master plan, and you don’t get to fully understand your role in my business. Do we understand each other? And don’t get so excited. Oy! Drama.
DENNIS: [Nods]
GOD: Good. [Hands Dennis a tissue] Why I’ve intervened in the past and why I’ve made your business my business without your asking for my help is my business. You’ve grown so much spiritually in the last few years. You know so much more than you ever did. You’ve accepted me and have turned to me. And now it’s time. No more freebies. You want? You gotta come get. Farshtaist?*
DENNIS: Yes. I understand.
GOD: You have kids, right?
DENNIS: You know I do!
GOD: [Disapproving look]
DENNIS: I’m sorry. Yes. Two daughters.
GOD: In the beginning, you did for them without asking because they didn’t know better. They didn’t even know how to ask, let alone the fact that they needed to ask. You fed them. You wiped their butts.
DENNIS: Don’t remind me.
GOD: Sha!* You did for them whatever they needed until they came to a point in their consciousness where they could understand what you did for them and learned how to ask in order to get their needs met.
DENNIS: Ok.
GOD: It’s the same with spirituality. Until you become truly conscious of me, I don’t expect you to truly to be able to ask me for my help. But as you mature spiritually, there comes with it more obligations – Responsibility! Not to me, mind you. To yourself! Once your consciousness has grown large enough that you truly can make room for me in your life, then you are bestowed with the responsibility of pulling on your own oar. No more freebies, so to speak.
DENNIS: But I always was aware of your existence. I’ve known about you since I was little.
GOD: I know Son. But you’ve only recently, in the last few years, opened your heart to love, compassion and forgiveness. It is through these three things that you've come to know me and not just know of me.
DENNIS: I get it. So if I want your love, then I have to take the responsibility of coming to you and asking for it. I just can’t wait around for you to wipe my butt!
GOD: Well put! . . . Exactly right. Come to me Son. Be not afraid. For my love is all encompassing and everything is of it.
DENNIS: So I’m going to be ok? My problems are all going to work out?
GOD: Come to me Son.
DENNIS: Will I see you again?
GOD: You mind if I smoke?
DENNIS: [Eyes wide in disbelief] – Um, . . . I guess not. But don’t get any ashes on my table.
GOD: Don’t worry boychik. [POOOOF! – God disappears in a puff of smoke]
*********************************************************
* Key -
Feh = Yuck
Shvitzy = Sweaty
Boychick = Young man/boy
Shmootz = Dirt/something foul
Farshtaist = Understand?
Sha = Shhhh
37 comments:
(((Dennis)))
Rose and I read this just now. My friend, we are in awe of your strength. I don't know what to say more than that, it's just so beautiful.
Love you. :)
I just wanted to say thanks.
Rose
xo
Brian & Rose - Thanks for stopping by and dropping off some love. It's great to have you two for friends! I'm glad that you're enjoying the posts. There will be more to come along these lines. I have a lot I want and need to say.
Love to you both!
D - I love this. It sounds exactly the same as the conversation I had with my sponsor when I did step two "fer real" the third time...UGH. I totally footwork myself into a bubbling heap of uselesness because "I trust God" for sure but I can take care of it myself - right! WRONG! It is about disappointment in the end, isn't it: not wanting to ask God for help because what if it doesn't come - when it comes to people you can take the disappointment sometimes, but from HP...no. That's the worst.
and ps: I knew all the yiddish!
M - I'm so glad you liked this!! Wait till you hear the story behind it, you'll never believe it! In a nutshell, the senior partner threatened me today with physical bodily harm and he absolutely wasn't kidding! He came half way over the desk at me with his fist balled up! - And I haven't even told him yet that I'm leaving!!!! But that's ok, because the chest pains I'm having will probably kill me before I get a chance to anyway!
I'll tell you about it later in an e-mail! I need one of those little milk mustaches with the words "GOT GOD?" printed on my shirt. Woo Hoo!
M - I forgot to mention - I KNEW you'd know all the Yiddish. I put most of it in there for YOU, as well as the part where God tells Dennis to eat cake and chocolate. That was totally for you girl.
Dennis - *sniff *sniff..... I'm speechless!
I believe you've put here a sample of many people's thoughts and feelings...including my own. Disappointment is the biggy we're all afraid of.
Thank you!
Ka
You didn't need the glossary, at least not for me. Doesn't everyone say Feh?
First, Dennis, you are free to delete this post if you'd like. I know you're a smart person, and I respect you, your beliefs, your thoughts. You're a good writer, a good person. We just disagree. And I'm good with that.
You know, I'm gonna have a problem with this, philosophically. There is a difference between a leap of faith and evidence. Some of us want the evidence. We see ourselves coming through for ourselves. You can only give god the credit if you believe. If you don't, it works out fine, too.
But if you believe, what about the times god doesn't come through? What about my mother's best friend, who died of a horrible, painful cancer after suffering emotional abuse at the hands of her husband for so many years and FINALLY getting out and making a real life for herself and getting HAPPY!
What about the children who are murdered in Iraq, in our own country, all over the world? And the parents who mourn them?
I don't buy that god wants them in heaven. And I can't let him/her/it be responsible for all the good but not take the blame for all the bad.
And if you believe, as I do, that if there is a God, he/she/it has supplied us all with free will, then we, mankind, get all the credit and all the blame.
The big difference, here, of course, is faith. Sometimes you need it to pull you through, and in that respect, God is everywhere. But if you don't need that faith, or if you put that faith in yourself and live life as a decent person, following the golden rule, that should be OK, too, eh?
Love you, Dennis. Take care of yourself. xxoo
An entertaining conversation, Dennis! I think you could spark a lot of debate with this one!
As for me, I have trouble with the word "God," too many connotations of authoritarianism for me to even feel comfortable using it anymore. I think more in terms of life flowing through all of us, and we all perceive it differently, based on our individual beliefs.
Hope things calm down at your work! A good question to ask yourself first is what do I really want from this situation? The more clearly you can define it, the better, because then you'll be able to communicate it more effectively to your partner. Good luck!
Leslie: Thanks for such a thoughtful response to my post. I most certainly would never delete anything you write here (I cherish every hit!) As soon as I saw your moniker I said to myself “UH OH! Here it comes!” I actually don’t disagree with anything you said. For so many years I followed your dogma (pardon the pun) – I rely on me! No God without proof!
More often than not, I still find myself there. My post was more about where I hope to be than where I really am. I’m still struggling with trying to let go. You mention all the ill and bad things in the world as proof that there is no God (I assume) and far be it from me to spew out a few words that would ever convince you otherwise. But do allow me these few words . . . I believe that completely understanding God and everything that happens here is beyond the ability of any of us to understand. And to require that the world makes sense before we can believe in God, to me is self defeating. Sort of the cut your nose off thing. All I can say is this. I used to rely on myself entirely. And I managed. And things worked out. But I wasn’t happy and most things were a struggle. Once I opened my heart to love, compassion and forgiveness, I came to know God in a way I never believed possible and simply put, my life became so much easier. For me, that’s all the proof I’ll ever need. Please understand, I’m not suggesting that you don’t have love in your heart or any of those other things. All I’m saying is that they were missing in my life and now they’re not and my life couldn’t be more different.
Love back to you girl!
Robin – I actually never use the term “God” myself unless I’m discussing the subject with other people. I always use the term “Source.” I like it so much better. And I agree with the flowing analogy. As for work, I’m leaving. I just have a few more details to work out. Nobody should have to put up with threats of physical harm. That’s nonsense. Thanks for reading!
Karen – Thanks for stopping by [hands Karen a tissue]
Oooh--my comment about the bad things was not intended to be proof that there is no god! On the contrary; I said that if you credit a supreme being with the good things, with rising up out of the dunghill, to quote a Passover sermon, then you also must blame him for the bad. He is culpable for it all, not merely the miracles and the flowers.
I am wishing you lots of footsteps of support on your journey. I hope you get where you're going--later, rather than sooner, since the journey's the important part.
Dennis - Thanks for the tissue, much appreciated. PS:
Just my two cents worth - As humans we will never know the reasons why many good things and bad things happens to us. And I don't think we should try and work it out. Neither should we blame.
However, I believe that it is our responsibility to make the best of every situation. With that it doesn't mean your best will always be 110%. Your best will differ from day to day, depending if you are feeling on top of the world or having a bit of a low. Your best may not always give you the best result, but nevertheless, you tried.
I therefore congratluate you Dennis for doing your best! With this blog, with sorting things out at work, with changing your life around. It's not easy to share your deepest thoughts, emotions and longings on screen and giving it to the world to read and interpret. (I wish I was bold and brave enough to share my experiences for others to learn from.)If this helps you to grow into the person you would like to be..... Well Done!!!
It just happens to be that the picture you painted of God in you "A conversation with God" is similar to the one I carry. Your blog touched a part of me and it reminds me that I'm not alone.
Thank again! Ka
Karen: Feel free to stop by and drop off two cents worth ANYTIME! I’m always interested in the perspectives of others, especially when they’re talking about something I’ve written or said. I agree with you that our “best” can vary tremendously. There have been times when doing nothing at all was the absolute best I could muster. So I’m with ya there.
As for being bold and brave, thank you for the compliment, but I think you may be too kind. I don’t know how brave one has to be write on the Internet under a fictitious name. I’ve mentioned before that “Dennis T’Kon” is not my real name. It’s my writing name. Dennis is my middle name and T’Kon is an acronym for The King Of Nothing. But I am brave enough to tell you my first name! It’s Rich.
It’s not that I’m ashamed of what I say here. It’s more that there are people I love who might be sad or hurt if they knew how badly they had hurt me at an earlier time in my life. Sometimes I write about the horrors of having been an addict (recovered now). Sometimes I vent about things they did. I just don’t want to hurt anyone. Also, I’m a professional in a very small community and most people do not know about my past. I’d like to keep it that way. So honest perhaps. Brave and bold? I don’t know.
I’m very glad you stop by and post here!
D - thank you for making me feel welcome!!
I understand that it is easier to write something under a fictious name, however just thinking about posting some of my thoughts, emotions and longings on a blog sends shivers down my spine. Hehehe...hence the "bold and brave" part.
Take care and I really hope things work out for you!
Ka
Uhhhh..me again...I found this quote from Artistotle (384 - 322 BC):
"I count him braver who overcome his desire than him who overcome his enemies."
Say no more....
Ka
PS: Sorry about posting the previous post under Anonymous. Tiny mistake.
HOOOOOOOOOORAAAAAAAAAAAAAy!
M - Thanks! I'm surprised you can't hear me shouting for joy all the way from the east coast!
Dennis..I read your last post and this one they are both amazing in their honesty. Then reading the comments here and getting a little bit of what you are dealing with..well as far as I can tell you already know what to do..you just need the extra ecouragement to go ahead and do it..to believe in yourself and what you know in your gut and in your heart is right and not let some idiot act like work, a job or whatever is the be all end all in the business world..thats not life its their life not yours..you have grown so far beyond that you know what real life is about and its not about the clock..I mean I could have this all wrong..but whatever it is that is troubling you you do have the inner strength to deal with..and yes He is always there and yes you just need to ask..however as was mentioned you need to do the work..not just ask and wait for it to happen..as he said in your conversation its time ..time to make a move and not just ask for the help. Hey what do I know..I do know that you are a special person that has a wonderful clear view of life..you just need to look stright ahead and live it ..your way..oh yeah and just remember to hang on to his sleeve it's always nice to have a little extra support..love you Dennis..hope I haven't offended or put my two cents where they don't belong..your words have told me that your a very special person and I wish you the best..hugs..m
Madd - I'm glad you stopped by and read both posts. Your comments are most certainly welcome here and are very much on point and clearly well inteneded. So no qualifiers ever needed - just click in and let her rip!
I was telling Poetwithadayjob that my new job got firmed up yesterday and we worked out the final terms. Needless to say, I'm psyched! But at the same time I have to remember, there's no perfect job (or anything for that matter). I'm sure this new job will have great things about it and new frustrations and dissapointments. But's that's life in microcosm. For me, life isn't about creating the perfect world, it's about living life on life's terms with as little dis-ease as possible. It's all about how we respond to the life we live that creates the life we experience (think about it . . .)
Much love to you my friend!
Congratulations on the new job, Dennis (Rich?)! Maybe this learning experience with your aggressive partner was one in which you learned that you are worth being treated with respect! :)
Robin - "Dennis" is fine, but I answer to either. I thought you knew! I've posted about my name before. I absolutely agree with what you said - having self-respect is certainly part of it. But at the same time, I'm not leaving for that reason alone. I was approached months ago with a deal that is almost too good to be true. I was leaving anyway. But my a-hole partner sure is making it easier for me!
Want to know something funny (and maybe hard to believe?) As he was hovering over me blasting threats in my direction, I was actually practicing forgiveness in the very same moment. I have to admit, it was one of the most bizarre experiences I ever encountered - but it was also unbelievably amazing as well! I couldn't believe how calm I was, and my "apparent indifference" to his rant only made him more angry! It was almost funny.
I always converse with God, not this way though. I talk, he listens mostly, with an occassional grunt.
Sometimes he does lecture me. Thats ok. He should have his say too.
Being a Hindu, I always feel God is walking beside me doing what I do. God is part of my life and all that I dio. I have long arguments with him and get mad at him too.
I loved this. What more can I say?
I will go read your previous post.
Gautami: Thanks for reading and commenting. I like what you’ve shared about your faith and it’s inspiring. I’m trying to make god a more regular part of my every day. So far it’s working for me. Thanks for the kind words.
Michelle – I’m glad you liked this. Blessings received! Love and blessings to you too my friend!
Oh, Dennis!
I won't comment on God as others have because for me it is a subject too deep and too loaded to tackle in this manner, however, I enjoyed reading your story, I enjoyed the honesty, I respect seeing your heart as always.
As someone else who struggles daily with growth and questioning, I applaud you for your outward acceptance. Me, I meditate and drink wine. :)
You have so many people here behind you, even if at the sheerest edges of existence. Power is in the numbers right? 10 tenths make a whole.
Are you getting closer, Dennis? If so, then that's what it's all about.
Monique
I. Monique – Thanks darlin! I always appreciate your comments!!! I think everyone struggles with spirituality and what varies is our willingness to admit to ourselves that (1) we’re struggling and (2) how much of a struggle it is sometimes.
It’s good to know that I’m in such good company. I totally appreciate the love and support of blog-buddies. It helps me feel less crazy sometimes. You ask if I’m getting closer. The answer is absolutely. I can definitely say this. I’ve recently (within the last year or so) crossed a major mental divide and it seems to have made all the difference in the world for me. I’ve never been happier.
Wonderful piece, Dennis. I like this.
(God shuts the refrigerator, walks over to the trashcan and tosses out the tuna and the bread and then sits down at the kitchen table.) Well, yes. That's just right.
SAM! Thanks for reading this piece of nonsense. I have to be honest with you though, I was truly hoping that you'd take a look at a poem I posted back on February 23, titled Fear I was very excited about it and was eager to know what you thought but didn't want to ask.
Thanks or this, Dennis! Especially for making G-d the same height as me! WOOO! (But not the same weight. Must be the no-sugar differential).
My two cents: I belive in G-d. I believe G-d gave humans free will. I believe that the cruelty and violence in the world is a result of humans abusing that gift of free will.
I think of G-d as the force that helps us to survive these kinds of cruelty and violence, but I also think that G-d is affected and damaged by these abuses. Wounded, even.
The G-d I believe in has relinquished an all-powerful nature in order to help all of creation grow spiritually and be in partnership with the Creator. Because the G-d I believe in is not interested in absolute power.
So, I believe my spiritual path is to not do any further damage to myself, my Creator, or my fellow Creations through cruelty, violence, etc. I believe that in healing ourselves we also heal G-d.
You might recognize the concept of Tikkun Olam in these sentiments. Of course I'm Jewish and it's certainly there.
But here's another pathway to investigate: I have also been influenced by the fictional Earthseed religion from Octavia Butler's Parable series.
I must have missed the post about your "real" name; I'll have to check out the archives. I'm glad the job situation is working out well for you, and thanks for sharing your experience of forgiveness. I'd like to experience that in every situation!
Hey Dennis..just wanted to stop back for two reasons..CONGRATS on the new job situation hope all goes well there..and thanks so much for stopping by and I just loved your comment..well you got the deeper meaning there..and I think the term might be I just might have gotten lathed??? sorry just couldn't help myself..lol love ya..m
Leah - I sent you a response via M's Email account!
Robin - keep coming back! I'll be posting more on this subject I'm sure!
Madd - That's a good one! "lathed" very appropriate. I really loved the poem.
This is a good one, with a good strong lesson. Seems like it jumped at me when I needed it!
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