So how much coffee do YOU drink?

Problem?

I remember the first time I tasted coffee. I was seven or eight and I asked my mom if I could have a sip of her morning cup. She was sitting at the kitchen table smoking a cigarette. She told me I could try it, but to be careful because it was hot! I remember thinking, “Wow! I’m going to drink coffeeeeeee!” There was something magical about having permission to drink coffee out of my mom’s cup and I was excited.

The rim had a heavy crimson lipstick smear on it. I rotated the cup so my experience wouldn’t be fouled by the offensive mouth-print with it’s distinctive and unpleasant flavor. I raised the cup up to my lips and prepared for what I anticipated would be one of the most wonderful experiences of my life! It HAD to be wonderful. I mean this stuff was sooooo good, that kids weren’t aloud to have it! Grown-ups horded this magical brown liquid all to themselves! I mean it obviously had to be better than hot chocolate, and what’s better than hot chocolate? Coffee had to be absolutely amazing – and I was about to get a sip. Even if it meant navigating around a foul lipstick smear.

I brought the cup up to my lips and instantly could smell the waxy-heady smell of the lipstick smear (which I despised beyond description). The coffee smelled intense and rich and was scented with the aroma of dairy. I imagined I was about to partake of something so sweet and wonderful that my mom would have to fight me to get back her cup. I took a giant sip; just in case this would be the one and only time I ever got this lucky! The coffee washed over my tongue stimulating my taste buds and filled my mouth. Instantly my eyes grew wide with horror as my brain searched for any sensation it could even remotely label as “sweet.” It was worse than medicine and was just absolutely BITTER!!!! I started swallowing while thinking to myself, “maybe it takes a minute?”

I swallowed all of it and instantly pulled a face so completely puckered that I probably wouldn’t have recognized myself had I been able to keep my eyes open and look into a mirror. FOUL! This beverage had nothing whatsoever to offer me. It’s amazing how quickly our brains make sense of the world. Truly fascinating in my opinion. Where just a moment ago I viewed all adults as the hoarders and deprivers of this magically delightful beverage, in the span of two seconds, my understanding was entirely transformed. They’re not depriving us kids, they’re protecting us from coffee!

I never drank liquid rust again until law school – but by then it was purely out of necessity. I didn’t actually develop a taste for coffee until I was in my late 20s. I was good for two cups in the morning and that would do me for the day. I never drank coffee after 11:00 AM. But now? More than a dozen years later coffee has ascended to the status of the only liquid as important as blood. And to be honest with you, I couldn’t even tell you how much blood I have in my coffee-stream at any given time. And because I needed a bigger jolt than even the largest cup could offer, I switched to espresso drinks. (Mostly because I don’t possesses sufficient upper body strength to carry around a three-gallon sized cup.)

Every morning I drink an Americano with an extra shot of espresso (bringing the total to three shots of espresso) I drink two or three of these a day. I just went out to lunch a couple days ago and had three espressos after lunch, each served in those tiny Barbie-doll cups. After the waiter brought me a third cup, I realized the conversation had stopped and my three lunch mates were now staring at me slack-jawed watching me dump Splenda and cream into my little tiny cup.

Friend 1: “You like espresso. Huh?”

Me: “Love it actually.”

Friend 1: “You want me to see if they can bring you a regular sized cup full of that? I know the owner.”

Me: “Nah. I’m good. This’ll do.”

Friend 2: “You always drink three of those at a time?”

Me: “Usually, but in a large cup with some hot water. It’s called an Americano.”

Friend 1: “Doesn’t that much caffeine screw up your sleep?”

Me: “No. Not nearly as much as Ritalin.”

Friend 2: “Ritalin?”

Me: “Yeah. I was hooked on it real bad for several years. I was chewing 80 mg at a time. I’d go through a month’s prescription in about 6 days. I never slept.”

Friend 1: “Shut the F up – you’re making that up!”

Me: “No I’m not. It’s true. I wasn’t in rehab just for alcohol. My biggest problem was drugs – Ritalin mostly. Didn't you know that?”

Friend 3: “You probably shouldn’t be drinking all that coffee then. Right? I mean doesn’t that trigger your addiction? Aren’t you supposed to stay away from caffeine and shit like that?”

Me: “Probably, but it just isn’t a problem. It never affects my sleep. I think I screwed up my threshold for stimulants with all of the drugs. That’s why I drink so much coffee now.”

So what I’m wondering here is can you drink too much coffee? It doesn’t seem to bother me and I never have trouble sleeping, but I think I’m drinking too much just because I think I’m drinking too much. Minimum three shots of espresso a day. Sometimes as much as nine. Am I alone here with this habit or am I in good company? With all of the Starbucks opening up and emphasis on coffee beverages, are we all going overboard on caffein? What’s your daily coffee intake? Do tell!