I have mixed feelings about this blog business. I thought it would be a good way to record my daily musings and vent, a way to track the progress of my ascent into consciousness. Mostly, I was looking for a way to share the amazing treasure I've discovered. A gift so wonderful that it would truly be a sin to keep it to myself. I want to just write about it and describe my experiences - my secret escape from insanity through the backdoor into wholeness. The problem is my ego is a royal pain in the ass. Its like a cat on your lap when you're eating ice cream. You can shoo it to the floor a hundred times, but it will keep coming back until you offer it something. And it always parks itself right in the middle of whatever I'm trying to do or create. Cat owners who try to read the newspaper know all about this.
Its hard to compose when your ego keeps tasting the words and phrases as if they were dipped in cream. I wish I could just write about me without it being about me. My inner critic needs a vacation.
I think I'll mediate on it for a while . . .
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3 comments:
Hi Dennis,
I've had mixed feelings about blogging, too, especially since I desire enlightenment. I've been blogging since June and I see it as a learning experience, another avenue of becoming aware of what triggers different ego reactions, showing me what I need to heal. A motto I try to remember, which makes a lot of sense: What we resist persists. I've found that resisting ego less, giving it some play and just staying with my awareness works wonders! Welcome to blogland!
--Robin
Robin - That's a brilliant insight indeed! I've never heard that, "what we resist persists", but its so true. I'm definitely going to take your advice and give my ego some "play" and see what happens. I think you're right, that mindfulness can serve as a sort of fence around the yard, and inside the ego can delight.
Many thanks,
Dennis
I like going back to people's first blog posts. It is because I only started a while ago and I struggle with the same questions about the fundamental narcissism of it all. Robin's comments and yours are helpful in thinking through the process.
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