Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Pass the Sugar

I'm eating junk food again. Sugar activates me. Its not as good as alcohol or drugs, but it works the same way. Eat some - crave more. It can take up to two weeks to get the sugar out of my system if I stay away altogether. Lately its been donuts. This is new. In the past its been candy (usually chocolate). I hate all of the emotions that accompany eating crap. I'm a closet eater mostly. I can't eat any quantity of junk in front of anyone. The shame keeps me from doing it. It would be like going to the bathroom with the door wide open. So I eat in the dark, behind closed doors or hide in my car. Whatever I buy, I eat it all almost immediately. I'd die if anyone snooped my desk drawer at work and found a Pop-Tart or a bag of M&Ms. I have to get a handle on this and figure out why I do this.

1 comment:

r's musings said...

After reading your dream post from the previous day, I'd say this is your place of darkness. Just don't hate yourself for it; we all have our vices. The little boy in your dream seems to be the key somehow, the one that reached in and brought you into the light, took you to a place of warmth and nourishment.