I was in the cafeteria lunch line waiting to order a turkey wrap when I overheard the person in front of me order a mayonnaise and American cheese sandwich on white bread. The thought of it made me retch and almost change my mind about eating. I don’t know what I had been pondering in the second or two before hearing the person in front of me place her order, but whatever it was, it was replaced with this: “OH MY GOD! That’s one thing you’d never hear come out of my mouth!” – which of course got me thinking . . . what else would you never hear come out of my mouth? Here’s my list:
10. Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order please?
09. Do these leather pants make my ass look fat?
08. Sure hon, why don’t you drive for a while. Your mouth probably needs a rest.
07. I do.
06. Alex, I'll take Islamic Law for a thousand, please.
05. How do you get to the Hyundai dealership?
04. Sure. I’d love to contribute to your campaign!
03. Why yes! As a mater of fact, these ARE Jordache Jeans.
02. Hi. One ticket for Les Miserables please.
01. No. I don’t mind if you sit next to me during the flight. By the way, is that a seatbelt extender?
Friday, February 29, 2008
Fries with that?