Friday, February 29, 2008

Fries with that?


I was in the cafeteria lunch line waiting to order a turkey wrap when I overheard the person in front of me order a mayonnaise and American cheese sandwich on white bread. The thought of it made me retch and almost change my mind about eating. I don’t know what I had been pondering in the second or two before hearing the person in front of me place her order, but whatever it was, it was replaced with this: “OH MY GOD! That’s one thing you’d never hear come out of my mouth!” – which of course got me thinking . . . what else would you never hear come out of my mouth? Here’s my list:

10. Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order please?
09. Do these leather pants make my ass look fat?
08. Sure hon, why don’t you drive for a while.
Your mouth probably needs a rest.
07. I do.
06. Alex, I'll take Islamic Law for a thousand, please.
05. How do you get to the Hyundai dealership?
04. Sure. I’d love to contribute to your campaign!
03. Why yes! As a mater of fact, these ARE Jordache Jeans.
02. Hi. One ticket for Les Miserables please.
01. No. I don’t mind if you sit next to me during the flight. By the way, is that a seatbelt extender?

8 comments:

Jo said...

very, very funny, in a thoroughly irreverent way, I am cracking up here

Al said...

I almost threw up in my mouth a little when reading the sandwich order.

laughing at the list.

Dennis said...

It's just pure craziness! Thanks for reading.

poetwithadayjob said...

hey D - don't knock the AM on White Bread....mmmmmthe stuff of childhoods everywhere!

Congrats on getting the shoes for your newly happy feet!

Dennis said...

M - Gah! It's the mayo WITH the cheese and without the meat that gets me. The only thing more disgusting I've heard tell of is a Crisco on whitebread sandwich!

...deb said...

Great lines.

Funny and revealing.

Bridge said...

OMG... I love this.

Care if I do one on my blog? This could be fun!

Dennis said...

Bridge - Feel free! I'm sure I got the idea from somewhere at some point. Enjoy and thanks for reading!