Monday, May 28, 2007

Draw One Deep Breath . . .


Draw one deep breath and hold it – forever.
. . .
. . .
. . .

Longer than that
. . .
. . .
. . .

Till your lungs to cry out, “Enough!.”

The tingling around your lips and face say you’ve played this game long enough. The ache in your neck and the burning in your chest screams for release.

But there shall be no air till Friday. And fuck you for thinking that it might be any sooner. Fuck you for thinking that I just might be ok.

DON’T CHECK ON ME! DON’T CALL ME YOU BITCH . . .
to see if I’m still breathing. Not that you care – it’s just that your pain must be shared . . . with someone who bleeds more easily than you.

So you call,
After all,
And you ask
If I am
If I’m still breathing
If Friday is coming too quickly for me
If love is elusive
No mom.
I’m ok.
I’m doing this on my own
Without you
To cradle me
Without you
To fix this
Without you
To wipe the blood from my lips
WITHOUT YOU AT ALL

Not that you were ever there.
And so don’t pretend you give a shit now
Don’t try to borrow my courage
Don’t live vicariously through my strength
Don't "I'm so proud of you"
Don’t feel life through my veins
Don’t breathe my fucking air
Don't stuff me into the hollowness
that has become your life
Don't try to soften life for me
with your simpathetic simper-
leave the sex out of your voice and
Don’t poison my air with your song
With the dampness of you
Because all

You

Feel

Is

Every

One

Else’s

Pain

Which

Is

The

Only

Way

You



Feel



At



All




Mom





Mom





Mom






Mom?






Mom?






Mom.









Mom.







Mommy?



It's no wonder all witches have tits . . .

12 comments:

Sue said...

Oh my. :-)

krista said...

wow. that was intense.

Kae-Lyne said...

Thinking of you!

K

Dennis said...

Thanks Ka

pwadj said...

It ain't heavy, it's my mother...

Dude, I've got one of these too...

Dennis said...

Poet - She just so pushed my buttons. I wasted half my therapy session just getting myself right again. Puh!

mayseek life said...

last night i was helping my daughter write a paper on the power of language... your post is a good example of that power.

d.t. said...

Mayseek Life - thank you. I hope you didn't find it too offensive.

Michelle (a.k.a. la vie en rose) said...

i'm speechless...very intense...very powerful...and i hope it was cathartic...

Robin said...

Hey Dennis!
Glad to see you're back. Hope you're feeling better and that all the newest changes are flowing smoothly!

maureen said...

i liked it -- as others have said: intense, powerful, wow! not offended at all. an eye-opener for sure.

Dennis said...

Hey folks! Thanks for all the comments and kind words. I hate to say this, but as bad as things were at the old job, they are still bad here, but it's a different kind of bad. Though I suppose it will get better sooner. Right now we're just choking on so many things.

There's barely time to do anything let alone write. I hope I don't lose all of you to my silence while I struggle through this. I hope you all hang in there with me. I promise I will be back.

Michelle, Robin & Maureen, thanks so much for stopping by and reading. I have so much I want to say . . . If I could only find the time to be creative. This is killing me . . .