Draw One Deep Breath . . .

Draw one deep breath and hold it – forever.
. . .
. . .
. . .

Longer than that
. . .
. . .
. . .

Till your lungs to cry out, “Enough!.”

The tingling around your lips and face say you’ve played this game long enough. The ache in your neck and the burning in your chest screams for release.

But there shall be no air till Friday. And fuck you for thinking that it might be any sooner. Fuck you for thinking that I just might be ok.

DON’T CHECK ON ME! DON’T CALL ME YOU BITCH . . .
to see if I’m still breathing. Not that you care – it’s just that your pain must be shared . . . with someone who bleeds more easily than you.

So you call,
After all,
And you ask
If I am
If I’m still breathing
If Friday is coming too quickly for me

If love is elusive
No mom.
I’m ok.
I’m doing this on my own
Without you
To cradle me
Without you
To fix this
Without you
To wipe the blood from my lips
WITHOUT YOU AT ALL

Not that you were ever there.
And so don’t pretend you give a shit now
Don’t try to borrow my courage
Don’t live vicariously through my strength

Don't "I'm so proud of you"
Don’t feel life through my veins
Don’t breathe my fucking air

Don't stuff me into the hollowness

that has become your life

Don't try to soften life for me

with your simpathetic simper-

leave the sex out of your voice and
Don’t poison my air with your song
With the dampness of you
Because all

You

Feel

Is

Every

One

Else’s

Pain

Which

Is

The

Only

Way

You



Feel



At



All




Mom





Mom





Mom






Mom?






Mom?






Mom.









Mom.







Mommy?

It's no wonder all witches have tits . . .

The End Is Near - June 1st Commeth

See this? I feel this in my gut about 25 times a day. Usually there's no warning, just kaPOW!

I know I've been quiet for the past month, but I'm storing energy. Energy to hold fast against the nuclear blast I'm rehearsing for - rehearsing to survive.

We have the Enola Gay nearly packed with it's deadly payload. Most of the crew has been advised of our mission. Only one secretary hesitated and asked if she could sleep on it. The next day she showed up and simply said, "I'm in."

We have two more employees to ask to come with us. I believe they will come willingly.

The new office should be ready by June 1. My chest hurts from anxiety every day. Not the heart attack type of pain . . . just a constant squeezing that makes you fight to breathe. Hopefully all of this fighting is getting me in shape for what's coming . . .